From The Musty Yellowed Pages--UWF Beach Brawl 1991 Program

Maybe Herbie did have a use for all of that baby oil three decades ago. No, it wasn't another late night at the office. It was UWF Beach Brawl! We've all heard the stories of Herb Abrams and his ill-fated venture into the sport of kings. He didn't want to just be competition for the World Wrestling Federation, he wanted to be bigger than the Stamford-based company had ever been! TV shows! Pay-per-view! Andre the Giant! Cookies! While some of that did actually happen (do we have evidence that any cookies were ever produced/sold?), three decades later we know the ultimate fate of the man and the company. But one tangible product still exists and today we're looking at it: the UWF Beach Brawl 1991 program!

While there are hats, video tapes and a few other programs floating around (does ANYONE have evidence of those damned cookies?), the Beach Brawl program is my favorite bit of Herbie's UWF memorabilia that is out there. It isn't so much what it looks like, though it does boast a colorful cover and plenty of photos inside. It isn't even that I am an avid collector of programs like many of you reading this. I never sought it out. I believe I picked it up relatively cheap in the last decade. What's really been a blast about owning this thing are the reactions that it gets from the wrestlers signing it.

"I didn't even show up," recalled Don "Magnificent" Muraco as he became the first to sign it. He was correct, he did not show up for his match with Terry "Bam Bam" Gordy, but he is featured in the publication. The infamous Johnny Ace ended up subbing for The Magnificent One. Brian Blair and Jim Brunzell got a great chuckle when recalling working for Herb Abrams as "Masked Confusion" as opposed to their WWF "Killer Bees" personas. Even Mick Foley, the most recent to sign it, marveled at it and recalled Muraco not actually working the event.

The program itself isn't too remarkable and certainly nothing compared to what the WWF was doing with programs or even WCW when they would manage to squeak one out. It certainly isn't cheaply made like a mimeographed independent show program of the era, but color on the inside definitely could've made it stand out a bit more.

Despite not winning on this particular show, Candi Devine still has the UWF Women's Championship belt in her possession and gladly brings it to autograph signings and appearances. The still-popular Rockin' Robin was the winner here and has her original WWF Women's Championship. Where's the fanfest promoter who will book these two ladies with Alundra "Madusa" Blayze (who, of course, still has the 1993-1995 WWF Women's Championship) and brings them all together for a special photo op? 

Speaking of things for wrestling fans to spend money on, Herb of course loaded the program with opportunities to order UWF apparel and other merchandise. Again, we know that hats and videotapes exist. The "Bruno book" offered would be the first printing of his autobiography that was released around that time. It is interesting to think that a man who built himself on honesty such as Bruno Sammartino would be taken in by a guy like Herb. It's my feeling that Bruno was so anxious to stick it to the WWF at that point that he was willing to go with whoever was trying to create opposition.

Speaking of Herb, one of the last pages in the book is fully dedicated to him and offers a bio that he most-assuredly penned himself. Perhaps the one truism on the page is the feeling that Bruno and Captain Lou Albano being part of the UWF lent credibility. While the promotion ultimately ended up with zero credibility to speak of, it is reasonable to think that some at the time may have thought that the inclusion of such names would in fact mean that there was promise in the company and that would attract both sponsors and fans. 

There's really little joy in rewatching anything that was produced by the company. It isn't like a WWF or WCW show from the era where nostalgia hits you at every corner. You can tell by the performances that much of the talent was there for a payday and nothing more. Still, others worked hard and tried to make something of it. I'll leave it to you to decide which names fall under which category. It is worth seeking out at least some of the footage for the sake of history, especially if you watched the Herb Abrams documentary produced awhile back. It's also interesting to see Andre the Giant in his brief appearance. I'm sure he just wanted to hang out with his old friends.

If anything it can serve as a warning. You don't want to end up like Herb Abrams. He tried to warn you right in this very program...

It's A Wonderful Memory...

We're losing them. It seems like it's almost weekly. The wrestling stars of our past are disappearing. It's a tad different from twenty years ago when we were seeing the same. Back then it was men and women in their 40's leaving us fast and furious. Now we're seeing older, yet not old enough, stars who lived hard and fast lives passing away or suffering from ailments which will inevitably lead to that. The latest is a man who seemed in such terrific shape during his career that it's hard to fathom that he'd ever actually die.

"Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff is one of the earliest wrestling names that I knew as a child alongside Junkyard Dog, King Kong Bundy and, of course, The Hulkster. Though he was variously a "good guy" during that time, I primarily remember thinking of him as the opposite. He was made to be a heel. He looked too perfect to be anything but an egotistical narcissist long before the latter word ever entered the vernacular of most wrestling fans.

I don't have a direct memory of it, but since we seemed to tune into Saturday Night's Main Event most often I feel that I saw the famous Hogan-Orndorff cage match as it aired. Later on I definitely had it on a Coliseum Video and it remains, along with Hogan-Volkoff and the pre-WrestleMania III Battle Royal, a SNME match that I feel was totally made for prime time network television. It was a quintessential "big fight feel" match. You may be able to argue that other promotions had "better matches," but no one topped the World Wrestling Federation in that era when it came to presenting a match of importance. In those early years "Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff was a big part of that. He wasn't in the main event of the first WrestleMania by accident. Not only could he get you to watch, but you stayed interested to see what he did to his opponent. He was a complete performer in every sense.

Although he didn't seem to make quite as many appearances on the circuit as others from his era, I did meet Mr. Wonderful more than a few times. He was consistently a pleasure to deal with even as he battled his health issues. There wasn't a shortage of items to get signed ranging from action figures to cards emanating from the WWF and WCW alike. Though he changed little in appearance, I still would like to see a proper figure representing his WCW years somewhere down the line.

As much as we have to enjoy from Paul Orndorff, I've always felt that there was a bit missing from the times that he wasn't on the national scene. He's the type of talent that should've always had a spot in the big time, so it was likely his own choice that he wasn't as visible. I also feel that he could've been used a lot better in that often-forgotten 1990 run in WCW where he was allied with Sting, Lex Luger and JYD. 

Another legend is gone. I'll miss seeing him in his occasional appearances on television and at conventions. I knew that when I saw him in late 2019 that it would likely be the final time. As always in a tribute entry I leave you a photo with myself and the subject. It's "Mr. Wonderful" while he was still in the good years as we all should choose to remember him.

"Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff

1949-2021

The Wrestling Album At 35

Have we really been listening to Real American for thirty-five years? Grab Them Cakes? Don't Go Messin' With A Country Boy?!? Yes, we have. For it was 1985 when The Wrestling Album hit National Record Mart, Sam Goody, and various other music retailers worldwide. While never a chart topper (Rolling Stone did an amazing article covering these aspects several years ago which can be found online), it is without a doubt the centerpiece of the "Rock 'N Wrestling" era. After all, it was wrestling and music together in the ultimate format.

I've seen many remembrances over the years from fans who recall this being the first album that they ever purchased or owned. In a way, it's a smooth and fun introduction to music for any kid who already knows the wrestlers featured. Back in 1985 who didn't know JYD, Hillbilly Jim, Rowdy Roddy Piper, and Mean Gene Okerlund? The cover is also the perfect blend of a chaotic rock and roll album image and the world of wrestling. It'd be interesting to know the whys and hows of who ended up on the cover. And why was The Hulkster simply inset? You've got Macho Man and Elizabeth, Ricky Steamboat, The U.S. Express (who Real American was famously originally meant for), Missing Link, and even Mona Flambé, the black-wigged alter ego of Cyndi Lauper.

Speaking of Cyndi Lauper, it's always shocked me how little Wendi Richter was involved in this album. She was a huge star at the time of its production, was directly connected with Lauper and David Wolff who produced the album, yet doesn't even appear on the cover. Her infamous departure from the company did not come until nearly three weeks after the album's release, so that obviously couldn't have played a factor. You would think an idea for a new theme song for her could've been in the pipeline to avoid future licensing of "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun," but that's only speculation. Aside from appearing in the video, the mega-hot female star is relatively disassociated with the project.

The album itself was initially released on vinyl and cassette, while a compact disc release had to wait nearly two decades. There were three singles, those being Grab Them Cakes, Don't Go Messin' With A Country Boy, and Land of 1,000 Dances?!!?, the last of which had a video filmed at a WWF taping in Poughkeepsie, NY. The trio was released as 45's complete with picture sleeves. A 12 inch single of Dances was done with a cover featuring photos from the video itself and includes both the dance and instrumental version of the song. I've also found a 12 inch single featuring Real American and Grab Them Cakes with a plain black sleeve. Variations could definitely exist out there.

Aside from the albums, promo flats/posters, and a reissue on colored vinyl from a few years ago, memorabilia largely remains limited to the original releases. Seeing as how Mattel seems to enjoy paying homage to the history of WWE, it would be fun to see a future figure or set packaged in some way as a remembrance to the album. If they were to get the rights to Cyndi Lauper (as they recently did Mr. T), this would be a no-brainer. It's also sort of surprising that the company hasn't recreated or paid tribute to the album and video in some way over the years. Somehow they feel that they didn't retain the rights to at least some of the music as Country Boy is no longer used.

All of the items that do exist have gone up in value. Even the basic album itself on vinyl will cost you around $30 on a good day. The various singles have gone up and down in price but rarely appear all at once. It will be a hunt, especially with the picture sleeves. Is it worth it? You'll be a Real American if you do it, but it's not For Everybody. Once you collect them all and Grab Them Cakes, you can tell Rick Springfield to eat his heart out.

Ok, I'm done, Cara Mia.